Life (And Death) Throw Ed and Shirley A Curve

The transformation couldn’t have come at a worse time for Ed Rassmussen. The 84-year-old, retired, farm-implement salesman living in Glaston, Minnesota was in ill health and looking forward to dying, when Shelly, the next door neighbor’s teenaged, idiot, vampire daughter had gone and bit him, and now, he was turning into a bloodsucking himself.
“Why couldn’t that little blond, belly-pierced, cheerleader have bitten someone younger, or, at the very least, sucked out all my blood and left me in a pile of dust? Fuck, now I’m gonna have to become a night predator, and I wear dentures. How the hell is that gonna work out?” Ed complain.
Ed’s wife Shirley was as upset as Ed. Her plans to spend Ed’s life insurance money on a cruise to Panama and a 48-ince flat-screen TV were now in ruins. It seemed that there was little choice but to become Ed’s minion, carrying out his daytime errands and keeping his coffin clean.
Life sucked. So did death.