The Yak Itch (Part One)

The Yak Itch

Delva Pachinko decided to ride a yak across Europe to raise awareness of uvula itch in overdeveloped countries. Her decision did not sit well with her husband and children or with her colleagues at Princeton University where she was a tenured professor of deconstructionist literature. Nevertheless, Delva was adamant about her decision. She applied for and was granted a sabbatical from her department and began her preparations for her yak expedition.
“I’d like to begin the journey in Spain,” she told her husband, Fontenot. “Then I will move up through central Europe and over to the Eastern Bloc and conclude the trip in Russia. I realize this is a complicated undertaking, and I’m counting on you to help with the logistics.”
Although Fontenot, who owned a mid-sized software development company specializing animal waste-disposal models, believed his wife’s uvula-itch campaign to be idiotic, he also believed people should try to live out their dreams so he put aside his doubts and agreed to help Delva.
“First of all,” he said, “have you ever seen or touched a yak?”
“I’ve seen pictures and tapes of them, but I’ve never actually met one.”
“Then I suppose you’d better start by driving over to New York and visiting the Bronx Zoo. They have a couple yaks there, and I think I can fix it so you can visit them up close and personal.”
“Oh, that would be great, Font,” Delva gushed.
“Once you meet a yak, and you still want to continue with your quest, the next thing we need to do is plan a route, obtain the necessary travel documents and visas, and buy a yak. I don’t think there are any Spanish yaks so we’ll probably have to import one to Spain so it will be waiting for you once you arrive.”
“I can handle the yak purchase,” said Delva. “I have a friend in the veterinary school who can help me with the paperwork and finding the best yak dealers. He should also be able to advise me on the proper inoculations the animal will need to pass through the various countries.”
“Ok,” agreed Fontenot, “I’ll work out a budget, but you are going to have to contact a European public relations firm to handle the publicity.”
“Not a problem.”
“I guess the last question for now is when do you want to go?”
“I was thinking at the end of the semester, perhaps late June.”
“That’s only three months away. It doesn’t give up much time, so we’d better get busy.”