Pathetic Bobonomics

Pathetic Bob came into my office a little while ago and with great sarcasm said, "Oh, excuse me, I see you're on the computer again. You must need another used door or some glass tiles, and you're scouring Craig's List to see if some poor wretch has fallen on hard times and is selling off his stuff so you can profit from his misery." That hurt, mainly because I have been scouring Craig's List for cheap stuff to help reduce the cost of all the remodeling Mrs. Em has me doing. However, this time, I was actually writing. "Actually, Bob, I'm writing," I said with a defensive tone in my voice. "In fact, I'm writing a story about you." "Hah," he scoffed, "You haven't written anything in more than a month. Your creativity is directed towards latex paint, mosaic tile, grout and power tools, and I know you can't multitask. You're either on Craig's List, Amazon, or watching porn." "I am writing," I whined. "And, I don't watch porn on the Internet. Why did you come in here? Just to screw with me? "Well, that would be way too easy. I came in to ask you about the bail out." "What bail out?" "You know, the big bail out the government is doing. Before Bush leaves office, he's bailing out all the white-collar criminals so they don't have to stay in jail before their trial. It's like when you bailed me out of jail in Laredo when me and the other dogs and Randy and Milo and their friends the flying squirrels tried to cross into Mexico illegally to distribute presents to Mexican dogs last Christmas. What I want to know is when do the trials start?" I shook my head and sighed. "First of all Bob, I did not bail you out of the Laredo jail; they made you leave because you were such a pain in the ass. I was the one who was almost thrown in jail, because you blamed the whole fiasco on me. Secondly, President Bush is not bailing criminals out of jail; he's giving them money so they can stay in business." It was Bob's turn to shake his head and sigh. "Let me see if I have this right, the government is giving money to all the businesses that are losing money?" "No Bob, it's only giving money to really big businesses that make a lot of money but still aren't making enough." "Why aren't they making enough money?" "Well, they wanted to make a lot more money, so they took risks with the money they had--much of which was the taxpayers' money--and they blew it. They made mistakes, big mistakes. Now, the guys who run those companies don't want to have to pay for their mistakes, and the government says, `Sure, fine, here's the key to the vault.'" "What about the smart companies that didn't make mistakes?" "They, my dear dog, are screwed. Hey, Bob, where are you going?" "I'm going to write a charter for my new business." "And that is...?" "I thing the First National Bank of Bob has a nice ring to it."